How to Write the Best Novel of All Time

Hello! Camp Nanowrimo is creeping up on me again. It is coming back in July and I do not know if I want to do it again or not.

Sure, writing is fun. It can also be the most stressful time in your whole entire life. Would you like to know why? Of course, I’ll tell you.

I am currently editing my first Camp Nanowrimo novel that I did in April and it won. I am editing it because I really want to buy a copy of my book. I want to see it in my hands and in my room on my little not-so-called-bookshelf.

Anyway, here is how you can write the best novel of all time. This post will be filled with tips and tricks on how to do it all this July. It is easy, but you have to stick with me because it is going to be a long and bumpy ride.

The advice about writing

• Always write want comes from your heart. If you write what comes from your heart, it will be the best piece of writing you have ever written.

• Never get off of the race track. That means that never go from one thing to another. For example, never go from a dystopian love story to a fantasy war filled with fighting blobfish. I promise that it will not make sense.

• If an idea pops into your head, write it down! Don’t leave it floating around in your brain. Your brain is a place of many ideas and memories. If you leave your idea stranded in your brain, you are likely to forget your idea.

• Write everyday until you hand falls off. Write everyday until your fingers break.

• Well, write whenever you feel like it. I really do not want your hand falling off or your fingers breaking.

• Don’t worry if your first novel is not the best. I know my novel isn’t, but I did pretty good for the first time.

• Refill your creative juices! Eat, drink, and exercise! Get out of your room or off of the computer and spend time with your friends and family.

The advice about characters

• Make your characters different. Don’t let everybody like and love the same things. Let somebody love blue blobfish and let somebody else love a rainbow panda with black stripes. Make one character have a rainbow mohawk and make the other character have jet black hair. Don’t let your characters be a copy. Let them be original.

• Don’t make you character sound like you because we already know about you. That is what the author page is for.

• Make your characters die! The less, the merrier. Or is it, the more, the merrier? Well, just let your characters die.

• Wait, scratch that. Don’t let all of your characters die. If you make you main character die, then your story is over. Let’s just make the main character’s best friend die. Let’s start off with something easy.

• If you don’t make any of your characters die, then your book is POINTLESS. Make somebody fall off of a cliff or make somebody get bitten by a rattlesnake. You are an author and authors do that kind of thing.

• Also, let your characters develop! If you don’t let your characters develop, they don’t change. Let them learn lessons that change their life forever. Let them have an awful relationship that they thought was going to be the best relationship of their life!

• Start a tragedy. I tell you, life is not perfect. Even fictional lives are not perfect. I mean, looked at The Hunger Games series. Their world is a wreck!

• Also, if your characters die, make them turn into ghosts. Ghosts are cool.

The advice about blobfish

• I just want to say that blobfish are super cool. If you feel like it, include a talking blobfish in your book. I would love to read it. Even the blobfish would love to read about their own kind. Only if they knew how to read.

• Believe me because I am telling the truth. Would I ever lie to you? The answer is no.

 

the advice about series

• Series are hard. I am trying to write a series right now and it is the hardest thing in the history of the world besides math.

• MATH IS HARD.

• Try to at least attempt a standalone. Authors like that and I like that. You can always have another book up your sleeve. You could have a trilogy. You could also have a quartet. It all works with me.

• Try different genres. I am mostly the dystopian kind of gal, but I may try something different.

• Don’t only write because you want to become filthy rich one day. THAT IS NOT COOL MAN!

• Write because you want to and write a series if you want to. I will read your book whether it is a standalone or a series. Everything works with me.

the advice about the famous life

• If people judge you, don’t listen because Taylor Swift says that the haters are gonna hate, hate hate, hate, hate.

• Interact with your fans because your fans love you so much! There are a lot of celebrities that don’t interact with their fans because they think that they are “too famous.” You are never too famous to interact with your fans.

• Don’t get too involved.

• Once your books gets out and everybody starts to buy it, it is the fans book. You wrote it, but the fans claimed it as their own. It is like that with every single fandom, even fandoms that aren’t even attached to books! I know because I am in a lot of fandoms.

• If you are new to the whole fandom thing, welcome aboard and we hope you have a safe voyage because it is going to be one bumpy ride. You may get seasick along the way, but that is completely normal when you are aboard on the Fandom Express.

• Never read your reviews because there are positive reviews and negative reviews. There are also the hardcore reviewers. You don’t want to mess with those kind of reviewers.

• When in doubt, watch old Disney Channel movies and watch that one commercial on Disney Channel about the blobfish. I have it here just for you. Watch it as many times as you like.

To sum it all up…

Being a writer is extremely hard work. You have to work, work, work, work, work, work really hard. *sings Rihanna’s “Work” very loud*

You have to think of all of these tips EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU WRITE.  I promise that this is very helpful life advice. It is very helpful if you want to be a writer. Mostly the one about the blobfish. That is my favorite tip of all tips in the whole entire universe.

YOU CAN DO IT! If you follow your heart and if it leads you in the right direction, you can become the next big writer in the history of the world. You could be right besides James Dashner and Marissa Meyer and Lisa Graff. That is how good you will get.

Be yourself. I have said this many times before, but be yourself. Not one writer is alike. Sure, we may all write the same genres and we may all have the same interests. We are all different. Don’t worry, Meep is by your side and he is rooting you on throughout your whole writing experience. He says that he will buy your books and come to all of your signings.

What do you think about my writing advice? are you doing camp nanowrimo this july? are you currently editing a novel? do you like blobfish? if so, let’s be blobfish friends forever!